If there’s one obvious thing I didn’t learn until I was well into my forties it’s this:
Don’t let a day go by without doing something you feel good about.
This message is not unusual, cryptic or even interesting. It’s simple, really so trite you could find it in most any “how having cancer changed my life” book available in bookstores and on-line.
Why say it again? Everyone knows we should relax and enjoy sunny weekend days like this.
Because it’s a reminder to myself, as much as for some readers and maybe a few fledgling doctors out there. One of my biggest regrets, during and after so many medical hurdles, is that I was overly ambitious. I am, probably still, one of those people who’s hard-wired to achieve. At work, when I was a young physician-hematologist-oncologist-cancer researcher-pregnant wife, I worked long, long hours. After dinner in our apartment, I’d stay up late, reading, and get up early enough to read the paper and have some breakfast before morning rounds. Later, as my career matured, I used extra hours for research, presentations, grant proposals and, of course, more reading. I loved my work as much as anyone I’ve ever known, wishing I could put more time into it, not less.
Illness places real limits on people’s capabilities. I refused to accept this. I just kept pushing. No excuses.
Looking back, I see that I should have slowed down earlier in my career and made more time for my family and for myself. I needed physical therapy and an occasional day off. Even while I had breast cancer, undergoing treatments, I worked in the clinic, took on administrative responsibilities at the hospital (in lieu of being on-call), and continued to write and review manuscripts, besides teach. After my back operation, a huge, painful and bloody affair, I returned to work and took call like everyone else. It took me too long to realize that I should pull back.
So I think it’s a lesson, or at least it’s one for me. It has to do with the Passover story of Exodus. Making sure to enjoy life, taking some time of each day and week to focus on what you choose, is the privilege of not being a slave.
An unfortunate reality is that many people work long hours because they must, due to financial necessity or because they have no choice. But for those who aren’t so strapped that they must work 16 hour days, who do it for pleasure as much as for wages or for riches, maybe it’s a reminder to take care. Sometimes it takes discipline to know when to shut out the light, or even call it quits. Less is more, sometimes even better.
It shouldn’t take a catastrophic illness to get this message through. Maybe just a good night’s sleep, or another sunny day tomorrow.
Take it easy.
Well done and heartfelt. I hope your fine blog has been emancipating.